A.B. The pothole man….

By Rev. Sleestaxx ….

.. ..

.. ..

A.B. The pothole man walked about with a
stilted jerky gait. Dunno why he just did. Old A.B. Been round for ages. “Since I was a kid ‘tleast” would
be pappy’s reply when asked how long A.B.’s been fixing potholes…..

.. ..

He was called the pothole man cuz he could be
found fixin’ potholes wet’er he was axe’d to or not. Be it a ….county.. ..FM….
road, people drive ways or just old pig trails…..

But A.B. Was always fix’n potholes. Sumtimes
he gets a dollar or two from some farmer or cattleman but oftener not he was
not getting a dime for the hole you saw him fillin’ and tampin’…..

.. ..

I dunno what makes him fix one and not
anutter. I know my pappy is always muttering sumtin’ and wave when sees A.B. working
a hole. And curse the devil and A.B. When the ol’ ford would jerk hard and buck
after hitting a big hole in the road. My ol’ pappy be raisin’ cane and flood
waters screamin’ that weren’t there yesterday when we went into town, and where’d
that damn hole come from and Ma would hush him up ‘bout his language saying ….

.. ..

“There weren’t no
need of wakin’ the devil up over a hole in the road.”….

.. ..

An’ ‘den you’d see my pap just grip the wheel tight,
like he was drivin’ more careful but he was just mad and me and ma would share
a smile…..

.. ..

One day me and the two Jenkin’s boys were
hunting squirrels. Jacob and me with our 22s and Jessup with his four ten, down
by the old river bend cemetery. Jacob wasthe youngest, while I was two months
older then him, but I never let ‘em forget who was older. Jacob had stole a
square of his pap’s chewin’ ‘baccy and we was under the shade of a red oak just
hidin’ from the sun fer’abit and spitting…..

.. ..

Jessup the oldest leaned in abit like he seen
sometin’ in the woods and then he waved at us to git low. So we did. We knew
better then to make noise when one of us said to git low…..

.. ..

Why one time we was swimming at a river bend
and Jacob told us to git low in the water, we did and we got real deep into the
cypress knees on one side and waited. There came Marie the preacher’s daughter
to the bank on the other side, now she was abit older than Jessup by like three
years which made her a high school graduate but she was still in town to help
her daddy preach. She was real purrty and all the young men in the county were
always trying to impress her dad so they could get a date with her. Always
every Sunday there was a five or eight young men in the front pews of the
church. You never see that unless the preacher has a beautiful daughter…..

.. ..

Why she just walked up to the water and pulled
her dress over her head and jumped into the water. That was the first time I
seen a naked girl. Well aside from my sisters in the tub washing but doin’
count ‘fer ‘nuttin as they was my sisters and all, not real girls. Well We
three boys looked at each other, just our eyes over the water like crocodiles
and we watched Marie swim on her back and dive and she swam like that for like
a half hour. Then she got out of the water and put her dress on and turn to
leave…..

.. ..

But just then she hollered. “Bye boys. And
next time you should come out of hiding and swim with a girl. Not polite to let
me swim alone and you three hide like gators in the knees of the trees like
that.” ….

.. ..

But there was no way I was gonna swim with
Marie like that. It was a might embarrassing to be in that condition tat all, let
alone let a girl see that too. ….

.. ..

Well like I said we knew when one of us said
to git low it was ‘fer a reason…..

.. ..

So there was the three of us lying in the wild
hay at the edge of the cemetery trying to see what we was hiding from. And
there was A.B. walking out of the trees and into the cemetery. His stumble
shuffle keeping him slow but he seemed to know where was goin’ ‘cuz he did not
look around, he just walked straight to the back of the plots to a single
marker. He stood there for a bit, and then he knelt like he was saying a prayer
no more’n 100 feet from our spot, and then a smell of rotten eggs came in on a
breeze. Man, I tell you it was so strong my eyes watered up so bad I could
hardly see, but there in the shade of an old pine, by the headstone in broad
daylight a big ol’ plume of smoke rose up and a man in a white sears suit was
standing next to A.B…..

.. ..

The pothole man did not look up and he did not
even budge when the man placed his hand on the roadman’s shoulder, A.B. just
stayed there…..

.. ..

We heard the suit guy say “Why you always
come to the same stone?”….

.. ..

“You forgotten already?” asked A.B…..

With a chuckle the
guy in the white suit said, “aAlready? It’s been decades my old friend. And
I am a busy man, I can not remember all the mortals I come in contact with. How
is it that you do?”….

.. ..

“This is Eleanor’s place.”….

.. ..

And the suited man got real still for a moment
as if listening to a whisper or a memory had come over him…..

.. ..

You know Baraqiel it is unfair that he let you
come down here and fall in love like you all did. It was unfair for him to turn
away from you all when you got lost…..

.. ..

A.B. Stood so fast it was a blur and pushed
the suited man…..

The suited man just flew back, but he did not
fall, he just came walking back to A.B. Smiling…..

.. ..

A.B. Shouted and it sounded as loud as a
summer thunder storm. “You know nothing my love and devotion. You know
nothing of his purpose for me and why I am here.”….

.. ..

“Look Baraqiel” said the suited man.
“I have some matters I want to discuss with you”….

.. ..

“I want nothing to do with your deals Thammuz.”….

.. ..

“Oh, but I think you may Grigori you just
might find it interesting.”….

.. ..

“What would you say if I arranged for the
return of your Eleanor and I get him to take you both back?”….

.. ..

“You can not arrange that! Why even try to lie/”
….

.. ..

“I am not a liar dear archangel. I can bring
your precious Eleanor back to you so that you may dance with her again.” And,
at that the ground at A.B.’s feet exploded, grave dirt flying every which way and
there in front of A.B. was a corpse dressed in a wedding gown kinda hanging limp
like a puppet…..

.. ..

A.B. just wailed so loud that the ground shook
and Jacob wet his pants. I weren’t ever going to hold it against Jacob wettin’
his pants at that moment, because I did too. But Jessup looked mean and mad. But
we stayed low and quiet…..

.. ..

The dead woman just hung there in the air and
A.B. Just screamed and screamed, then he began to cry as the corpse put out her
arms stiffly. She looked like when a girl is asked to dance…..

.. ..

And weeping A.B. grabbed her in his arms and began
to box step like my parents at family weddings. There weren’t no music only the mean laugh of
the suited man. ….

.. ..

A.B. danced like he had no limp and no stutter
step. He cried something awful and begged the suited man to “Put her
back”, “Put her back”, but the suited man just laughed at A.B.’s
pleas and begging tears…..

.. ..

And A.B. just lovingly danced with “Eleanor”
and wept, stroking the thin scraggly hair. He looked deep into her eye sockets
muttering something with tears wetting his cheeks and lips…..

.. ..

I dunno what got into Jessup but he got plumb
fire’d up and began crawling away from us. I knew was goin’ to do somethin’ but
did not want nothing to give our hiding spot away so’s to protect his little
brother Jacob. Jacob tried to follow but I held Jacob back with a look and a
hand…..

.. ..

Jessup got 200 feet around the side of the cemetery
behind the man in a suit. Me and Jacob was scared for Jessup, but we did not
want to tip our hand either…..

.. ..

Jessup got in a low crouch and sprang like a cougar
at the suited man. Just as the man spun around Jessup brought his gun stock
down on the man’s face. ….

.. ..

It was a thunk so loud and hallow. It would
have killed any other normal man, but the man just stumbled back and Eleanor
fell limp in A.B.’s hands…..

.. ..

“NO!!” Yelled A.B. but Jessup was already
bringing the gun muzzle down and aiming at the man. Then the shot rang out point
blank and we saw something fly off the back of the man’s head. The shot must’ve
blown a hole in his face clean to the back of his head and the man took another
step backwards. Jessup pulled another time on the trigger, but nothing happened,
the gun must’ve jammed. So Jessup dropped the gun and pulled out his ….bowie…. and leaped at the
man like a crazed injun…..

.. ..

The knife was driven to the hilt in his chest
and he laughed. The suited man laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. Jessup
just hung there on the knife staring into the man’s face…..

.. ..

A.B. Dropped “Eleanor” into a heap of
bones and wedding dress and moved to the man in the suit…..

.. ..

Jessup let go and dropped to his feet and
began backing up…..

.. ..

“Oh no son you do not get to leave with
allowing my turn.” And Jessup stopped you could tell he did not mean to stop
but he was like froze or something. The suited man looked Jessup up and down…..

.. ..

He reached his hand out…..

.. ..

A.B. Screamed NO! Like a thunder clap so loud
and strong my ears rang…..

.. ..

The suited man hesitated and then put his hand
in Jessup’s chest, in his chest, and pull out his heart. I had seen many hearts,
deer hearts, cow hearts, rabbit ….

Hearts, and most assuredly
squirrel hearts, so I know’d that was Jessup’s heart quivering and red in that
strangers hand. Jessup fell to the ground…..

.. ..

Jacob jumped up “leave my brother alone!”
and I popped up right after him and took aim at the suited man. Jacob he fired
his 22 at the suited man taking no real time to aim, but the shot rang true for
there was a twist to the man’s head…..

.. ..

He just smiled and raised his hands and Jacob
flew straight up into the sky, so high I could not see him…..

.. ..

I waited for the man to look at me cuz I was
gonna put a shell right in his eye…..

Just then A.B. ran up “Hold, Thammuz do
not damage another innocent mortal here again. Put Eleanor back, restore these
boys, and I shall do all that you ask.”….

.. ..

“You would give up your place as one of the
leaders, you will be no longer a watcher, but a mortal? Cause you know you make
a free will chose like that and he will cast you down.”….

.. ..

“He has already, as I have already made this
decision.”….

.. ..

“You can not trap the others, so this loss is
no greater than when I fell in love with Eleanor. He has turned his back on me,
even now I no longer feel the warmth of his love. I now know the coldness you
and the mortals feel.”….

.. ..

“Alright so be it, you will finish your days
here as a pothole man and the boys will live.” And at that he flung the heart
back into Jessup and Jacob feel from the sky…..

.. ..

He landed with such crash that there was a
hole in the ground a foot deep…..

.. ..

Jacob got up like nothing had happened; Jessup
got up and looked at us. ….

.. ..

I looked at A.B. but he was gone and so was
the stranger in the white suit. Eleanor’s grave looked like nothing had
happened…..

.. ..

I tried to tell them what happened but they
insist that we all fell asleep and I dreamed it ‘cause they do not remember any
of it. They say it must’ve been the ‘baccy that made me sick…..

.. ..

Now when I see A.B., he looks older, slower,
and sadder. But he smiles when he sees me and I am sad ‘fer him, but I am glad
he saved us that day…..

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
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The little gnome opened the door. He had two bowls in his hand. One with last nights stew and another with water.

He was greeted by a hoard of little creatures. All of them jumping up and down clambering for his attention, or was it the food?

Aww he knew this venture was a gold mine. Why the humans all kept talking about these little creatures.

Why not breed them and sell them. He asked his gnome wife.

Who is going to want barking spiders? Was her only reply.

She did not stay the smell was too much for her.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Nathan knew the light was up to something. He could tell by the way it turned red.

There it was, red, and staring at him mockingly. “Ha, there you are in your car with the windows rolled down, and no AC, breathing the carcinogenic exhaust of the other foul humans.”

Nathan lost control and jammed his horn, and the switch got stuck.

The felonious tow truck drive in front of him did not like the fact that his wife was a whore AND that Nathan’s horn blaring behind him.

The tow truck driver grabbed his .38 to fix one problem.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

On angels’ wings the beast from light years away arrived just as the great minds of the world said it would.

The fire and light from the heavens would have been a spectacular sight had it not been heralding the imminent destruction of mankind. Yes just the destruction of man, for the earth shall endure.

Everyone stopped and watched, either live or simulcast on the inventions of man, the wings that brought the end.

The religious prayed and asked for forgiveness. The evil began to pray too, but the rock just kept coming.

The humans wept and it was over.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

The traffic light blinked red then green then yellow every 6 min.

The light knew how important it was. Without the light total chaos would ensue. The light knew it kept the tide of insanity at bay.

The light wanted more freedom and to be MORE in control. So the light went on strike when it turned red.

Instantly negotiations started.

Everyone knew it could go to blinking red until an agreement was reached.

Concessions started and in 3 min. the light was given .912358 seconds leeway in its cycle.

Celebrating victory the light stayed red for .912308 seconds longer.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Pamela Anderson rolled out of bed. Her red camisole with the lacy bust desired-lingerie.com reference 4855/4855X slid down over her hips.

She padded barefoot into the bathroom.

She dragged the brush though her hair and then cleaned the brush of some the loose hair. She dropped the angelic golden hair on the counter and called it fans.

She grabbed her toothbrush and brushed her teeth filling her mouth with paste foam. She spit and called it boyfriends.

She then sat on the commode to relieve herself of waste. What she flushed down she called lawyers, agents and internet porn freaks.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

Henry Rollins rolled his five two frame out of bed. He put on his slippers and shuffled into the bathroom.
He took the cap off the meticulously folded and rolled tube and squirted some paste on the wet bristles. He scrubbed in a circular motion on each tooth. Then he scrubbed his tongue. He gagged, but he finished. Looking in the mirror he ran his tongue over his front teeth and smiled his money smile and then he opened and closed his mouth making a smacking sound. “I hate the film that ball gag leaves on my tongue.” He thought

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

“That’ll be seven sixty seven buddy.” Said the clerk.
The guy behind me said. “Buddy? Last I heard a buddy was a bump on a dog’s ass. Don’t let him call you that?”
He was right. No Mother Fucken human should be allowed to call anybody “buddy” that’s just too disrespectful to let slide. So I took my Slurpee and beef jerky out to my car and got my gun. I went back in and shot the bastard in the knee.
I told him, while he was crying like a little girl, that he better think about calling people names

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

They were all gonna be pissed and Artimetis knew it. But he didn’t care. He charged down the mountain. He had discovered that the earth was NOT the center of the universe and he could prove it.
He could prove Copernican theory of the universe against the dominant earth-centered Ptolemaic and Aristotelian theories. In his notebook were verified charts of celestial movements from his telescope.
At the bottom of the mountain was that bully Galileo. “Gimme your money Fartimetis.” “I don’t have any.” “Then I will hold this until you do.” “Hey!” And Galileo snatched the notebook from Artimetis’ hands.

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

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With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..

She walked into the arcade with sausages attached to her.
Sundae was bulging from her hip pockets when she turned to shut the shop door.
Droe wors draped aorund her neck in a spiral orgy of meat, spices and animal fat.
On her shoulders, in her blonde matted treses were brats, “Those are not synthetic casings.” He thought. Dry salamies on her chest, the lactobacillus yeasts intertwining into the delecate fabric of her blouse making it look lacie and delicate. The grease of the peperoni making her middriff visable.
Ground pork extruded from her 5″ pumps with every step.
“Hello”

Like A Monkey With A Handgun
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 3 December, 2007..

Also reading

With A Mouthful Of Razorblades
By Rev. J. Sleestaxx
Release date: By 6 February, 2008..